Nadine’s Story
I wasn’t shocked when I found out I had Stage 3 Cervical Cancer. I knew something was wrong for so long because I just never felt good. Trying to self solution, I always did my best to eat very healthy and exercise daily. I’ve never smoked and drank very minimally. I am diligent in ensuring that I am screened annually by my doctors. Even with my healthy lifestyle I constantly felt brushed off by my doctors. They labeled how I felt was “stress” due to my corporate job. So I became more obsessed with making sure that I was doing everything I could to have a healthy lifestyle. I already ate really clean but went Vegan. When I was traveling for work during the week I would run in the morning and in the evening. But nothing changed. I just became more exhausted and more frustrated that I didn’t feel well with no explanation. This went on for years until one day I started bleeding and it wouldn’t stop. My doctor removed my IUD as he thought that it had impacted my uterine wall causing the bleeding. He sent me to get an ultrasound as verification and that is how the masses were found. Two masses (that I later named Bert and Ernie) where one was the size of a golf ball and the other a large orange. I couldn’t believe that my cancer was missed for over 10 years of annual exams/tests. That it was missed by some of the top doctors in our country. I was the 1% of my rare cancer to have had my tumors very high in my cervix. How could this have happened to me? I was so young at 36 for this type of cancer. I did everything right by being healthy and going to the doctor annually.
I am a clear believer in signs and getting and surviving Cancer was my first wake up call. For so many years my focus and direction was always on making something of myself. When I was going through my grueling treatment I had a lot of time to reflect. Who was showing up for me? Who wasn’t? I had sacrificed my personal life and many relationships for work. I had missed out on so much and the regret was growing as I thought about all the weddings, birthday’s, and in general activities I missed. Yes I had an amazing job and my trajectory was continuing to rise there, but for what? I never at any point thought that I was not going to survive. Instead I started focusing on what changes I was going to make to be a better person.
After I finished treatment I was relieved and ready for my life to resume. I just wanted my normalcy back and went to work. Clearly God didn’t think that I had gotten enough of a wake up call since I quickly fell back into my old habits. My treatment symptoms instead of lessening over time started increasing. I ended up having “retire” from my job. My medical team was lost as to why this was happening. There were days when my body hurt so bad and I was so exhausted that I couldn’t get out of bed. After almost 4 years of every test under the sun I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. They say that sometimes spirit has to shake you to wake you. I finally got the shaking I needed to change because I physically had no choice now.
I know that I survived for a few reasons. The first was my lesson in discovering what was important in life and what is not. I needed to learn how to slow down and find myself and what truly makes me happy. To heal both my body and “reprogram” my mind. To try to get past the frustration that my body and mind no longer had the abilities that I did before. I would never again be able to ride my Harley or rock climb. That I have to leave notes for myself everywhere or I forget the smallest things. That I may look normal on the outside, but in the inside I am constantly in pain and tired.
The second is to help others. One of my favorite parts of my job was mentoring others. I genuinely love to see people achieve their dreams. If I can no longer hold a traditional job, I knew I had to get creative. What if I could help others that were going through what I did? I could be someone to listen and answer any questions to those going through treatment. I could be there after when they are trying frustrated and grasping for some kind of normalcy. I could be there for the caregivers to help them understand what their loved one may be going through. I could be there years later for whatever they needed and help them achieve what they wanted.
The take away that I can give you now is to be diligent with your health. Ask a lot of questions and be very open to your doctors. Believe me they have heard it all so nothing you say will embarrass them. If you don’t feel that you are getting what you need, find another. I’ve been through so many doctors because I didn’t feel like they were a right fit for me. Take care of yourself. Eat well and exercise. Meditate and disconnect from electronics. Be PRESENT. Spend more time with your friends and family. Find what gives you JOY and do it. You and you alone are responsible for yourself and your happiness. Don’t wait until you are forced to make the changes you need.